I originally wrote this entry on November 8th, 2005. it was three days before my seventeenth birthday, and I was in my senior year of high school. I have changed since then, and so has this journal, so here is that entry's replacement. My hope is that if you are wishing to add me as a friend--or if you haven't read many of my entries--that you read this. And as always, feel free to comment to tell me who you are or what you think of what I've written here.

Hey there, journal. It's been, an interesting ride, to say the least. I'm sure you'll agree. Looking back at everything I've written, I wonder how in hell I managed to post all that I posted. Once it started being more personal, I could have gone private with some of my posts, the way so many of you have done. But I decided a long time ago that anything I put here will be friends only, and here is my reflection on that.
As I've stated before, if I could put my heart on a piece of paper, this would be it. I started this journal during my junior year of high school. It was actually Leora who encouraged me--my high school friend Leora rather than my once... oops, did I almost reveal that? On a page for the whole internet to see? Not a chance. I've seen how you people stalk other people and use their journals against them. Well, this is too heartfelt for that. So, nice try, if that's what you're thinking.
There is another reason I'm glad I went friends only. I have revealed pieces of information about myself that the world just isn't ready to know yet. I'm comfortable revealing said characteristics in certain social environments, but there are other circles in real life that will never know the secrets of which I speak.
And the third reason, if someone appreciates what i write and is interested in reading it and I do know them, I want to know about it. On xanga, you used to be able to subscribe to someone's posts anonomously, and a part of me was against that. I don't like being deprived of knowing that someone is interested in my life, my reflections, and my overall writing.
Anyway, I gave Leora my only invite code at the time, because, well, she deserved it. I started out writing for other people, but over time, this journal became my haven. Reading back, I can't believe I posted all that I did, even friends only. Each time I read back on this journal, I get a different feeling. Some of it just looks like it's not me at all. Other times it just looks like a blur of emotions. But it's all me, love it or hate it. in the real world, we wear our masks constantly. I have taken the risk of taking off that mask for the 79 people currently subscribed to this thing. If you think I'm crazy for posting what I post, here is my explanation for that.
I either know all of you or know of you, and what I've seen so far has given me the contentment--and frankly the balls in some cases--to trust that this information will not be used against me and will be appreciated for what it is. I would prefer it that what I say does not go beyond this journal, but I'm not stupid enough to think that people don't talk. All I know is that none of this information has come back to me through other sources, and none of it has been used against me. So for now, I feel safe.
If I don't know you that well, than I owe you no explanation for what is written here. Some of you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about what I write here either in comments or through messengers. And I have loved each and every one of your responses. By reading them, I realize more and more why I reveal myself to you all.
It is only now that I am in college that I have quite a few important people in my life and people I can trust. I'm not sure if that means I've gotten over the trust issues that have plagued me all my life. But this is my way of revealing the real me that I cannot reveal in the real world either because there's no moment or no time for me to do so or because I simply can't bring myself to do it.
If you still think I'm crazy, think of autobiographies. In a way, this journal is my autobiography, accessible only to the priveleged. Is that such a bad thing? Those authors put their stories on paper for a reason, and I have joined them in my own way.
So if you wish to add me as a friend, keep in mind that you will see a big portion of the real me. I hope you will remember that, either in our real life or online dealings.
Rosie